Blog

Why Not Me?

November 25, 2019

Written by Kaitlyn, ’23

 

Francis Bacon once said, “In order for the light to shine so brightly, the darkness must be 

present”. When things happen to us, bad things and evil things, we as a people strive to find answers to 

our suffering. Usually, when we get to the real root of the problem, we tend to blame it all on God and 

then turn around and determine that if God caused this and He is supposed to be a loving and all 

powerful God, yet does not stop the evil, then He must not be really there. We dismiss God entirely 

because we can not make sense of why he would allow evil to happen or why “bad things happen to 

good people”. However, I believe that this is the wrong stance to take. For instance, if I was to go to the 

doctor with a huge stomach ache and he informs me that the pain I am feeling is the result of a tumor, I 

might ask why and how it got there? He may proceed in not answering my questions but instead give 

me ways in which to cope with what has happened. Does this mean that I should completely blame the 

doctor for putting the tumor in my stomach or come to the conclusion that a doctor is supposed to help 

individuals stay healthy and because I am not healthy, then the doctor must not exist? No. People 

would say that is a crazy thought. Or maybe because he did not answer my questions then he must not 

really be a doctor? Well, no. This is what we do with God. We wonder why bad things happen to 

“good” people and when God has not told us the answer or we cannot make sense of the answer, we 

completely dismiss Him, convincing ourselves that God must not be real. 

 

I have asked these questions many times in my life and even contemplated the idea that God 

must not exist. But what has been clear throughout this process is that God is real and very active even 

when it feels like he is not. 

 

Throughout my life, I have lived with things that most people my age have not, first being my 

brother. My brother was born with a condition called Cerebral Palsy and also Asperger’s. This has not 

been easy for my family, especially for my brother Tyler. Our lives have surrounded around planning 

surgeries, getting yelled at due to his anger, having to find accommodations to every place we go and 

every form of transportation. I have had to watch my parents spend every waking moment loving on 

my brother and trying to meet all the needs he has and I have watched my brother go through thoughts 

of depression and suicide. He has never been able to play with other kids on playgrounds or have 

sleepovers or drive, go on dates, go to college, or have a job, all due to his disability. In addition to that, 

in my own life, I have experienced several moments of abuse by various male members of my extended 

family and those I have met in everyday life. As a result of this, I have a mental illness called CPTSD 

which is Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I have lost people close to me to death, drugs, 

alcohol, and relationships. There have been many moments where I have sat and pondered why God 

would allow all of these experiences to occur if He was so loving, all powerful, and all good,. 

My brother is the most outgoing and most lovable young man I have ever met. He knows how 

to make everyone laugh, how to worship Christ with all he has, and yet here he is limited on every 

activity and not being able to ever live out his dreams in life. How could God allow someone like Tyler 

to endure all this suffering? 

 

I was eight when my abuse started happening to me. Why me? How could God allow a person 

that I was supposed to be able to trust hurt me at such a young age? What did I do to deserve it? And 

why is He still allowing me to suffer mentally, in constant fear of being attacked or rejected? 

However, I was asking the wrong questions. It was not that God was not answering me or that 

he is a malicious being who has a goal of punishing my family and I. Instead of asking “Why me?” I 

needed to be asking “Why not me?”. Once I started asking that question, I began to see more clarity in 

it all. I began to look at who I would have become had none of those events taken place and to be 

completely truthful, I would have never came to Christ. I eventually would have gone from the tiny 

church kid wanting to sing songs of worship to an arrogant and prideful adolescent/adult thinking I do 

not need God in my life because there is no need. My life is perfect. The events that have happened to 

me have made me who I am today. 

 

I am a sinner deserving of death, yet because of Jesus’ death on the cross, I can have freedom 

and redemption in Him. When I asked why me it was almost like I was saying that I do not deserve any 

discomfort, just perfection. When I asked “Why not me?”, I realized that I was not alone. Everyone not 

only has experienced similar things or at least destruction in their life but we also have a God who 

loves and cares about us so much that He sent His only begotten Son to share in our suffering. 

Going back to Bacon’s quote, darkness is the suffering in the world and light is God. Yet Jesus 

was sent by God to be a light dimmed in the darkness so He would know what we were experiencing. It 

was this realization that hit me where I knew deep in my soul that Jesus knows what I went through. 

Not just in the sense of knowledge but in the sense of experience as well. And if He knew what I have 

been through then that means he has never left me. Just because He did not stop what happened to me 

does not mean that He is not real. It just means that I have faced some discomfort. So did Jesus. 

I tried for years to dismiss Him and walk on my own. I cut, over-ate, starved myself, and I even 

tried to take my own life, yet Jesus, the Son of the all powerful God, knew all along the suffering I was 

experiencing and even took it upon himself to experience it as well. 

 

We do not need to fully explain why us or why God has allowed certain things to happen to us. 

We will never be properly equipped to know. If we were, He would not be God. But by trusting him, 

the answers we can know become clearer. So instead of asking “Why me?” or blaming God for our 

problems, why don’t we ask “Why not me?” and thank God for his willingness to understand what we 

are feeling within our suffering. God loves you and He is with you even when it feels like He is not. 

God never gives up; do not give up on Him.